Salutation and warm chest-touching hugs to all of you. It is I, Dr. Egan Rhys Napewood again, professor of flesh and emotion, here to fill your mind buckets with meat info.
Let me ask you a question.
Are you in a successful and rewarding long-term relationship?
Is this long-term partner not only your lover, but also your best friend? The one who knows you best; respects and loves you; and supports you in all your endeavors?
If yes, congratulations. You have found something that few can or will, and treasure the richness it brings to both you and your partner’s lives.
But answer me this: Do you also equally treasure having brief sexual encounters with strangers? If you answered “Totally!”, then I have the solution for you.
OPEN RELATIONSHIPS!!!
I stumbled upon this brilliant invention of what surely must be the greatest sexual genius EVER while perusing the Erotica/Catamaran section of Borders (the Erotica section is not large, but it afforded me the opportunity to discover the exciting world of Catamarans).
To explain exactly what an Open Relationship is one must erase their stodgy, social constructs of what a relationship constitutes, and take the sexual equivalent of LSD, which is required to blow one’s mind. Done? Good. Now let me explain.
An Open Relationship is when one has a long-term partner, but also greatly values boffing other people. It goes without saying that these both of these things are equally important. I can’t tell you how many times my spirit has been all : ( because the partner I love doesn’t want me intercoursing with others. Because of my ex-girlfriends’ constrictive, harmful needs regarding where I jiggle my midsection, I have ended many treasured relationships that could have afforded years, even decades of meaningful bonding. Their loss. Am I right? No kidding.
Your first step in pursing an Open Relationship is dumping your current long-term partner. They probably aren’t cool with you dancing the horizontal mosh pit on other peoples’ crotches, so we’ll just take a bath on that one. Now, your second step is finding that same magical connection you found with your ex-long-term partner, but with someone who really likes to do it with people other than yourself. This will take patience, so prepare yourself for a week or two of looking for that special person that completes you.
Now, to honor this new soul mate, you must be 110% honest with them about moving forward with this Open Relationship, and set some rules. Here are some starter questions: Can you do it with other people in you and your partner’s bed? Must you be emotionally monogamous with your partner, too, or can you fall in love with, like, a bunch of people? Since basic biology dictates that your mind, emotions, and body are inseparable since they are all physical structures and processes that interact, is it allowable to begin a long-term relationship with one of your sex partners, and then downgrade your long-term partner to sex partner? These are all important questions that need answering.
Tip: I would recommend making an Excel document signed by both you and your long-term partner so you can refer to your agreement when one of you has a completely irrational reaction to, say, you becoming more and more disinterested in your partner as you slowly whittle away at the emotional bonds that make long-term relationships rewarding. This is a natural hurdle to cross in an Open Relationship, but remember: She signed that Excel doc, and it is a legally binding agreement that says she cannot get upset.
I hope all of you, my students, are excited as I am to explore the heady, volatile world of Open Relationship, and who knows? Perhaps Professor Egan Rhyswood can become a part of your next Open Relationship (no fatties, please). Bless all of you.
Sensually yours,
Egan Rhys Napewood
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